Poetry Monday

God, a Poem

by James Fenton

A nasty surprise in a sandwich,

A drawing-pin caught in your sock,

The limpest of shakes from a hand which

You’d thought would be firm as a rock,

A serious mistake in a nightie,

A grave disappointment all round

Is all that you’ll get from th’Almighty.

Is all that you’ll get underground.

Oh he said: “If you lay off the crumpet

I’ll see you alright in the end.

Just hang on until the last trumpet.

Have faith in me, chum – I’m your friend.”

But if you remind him, he’ll tell you:

“I’m sorry, I must have been pissed –

Though your name rings a sort of a bell. You

Should have guessed that I do not exist.

“I didn’t exist at Creation,

I didn’t exist at the Flood,

And I won’t be around for Salvation

To sort out the sheep from the cud –

“Or whatever the phrase is. The fact is

In soteriological terms

I’m a crude existential malpractice

And you are a diet of worms.

“You’re a nasty surprise in a sandwich.

You’re a drawing-pin caught in my sock.

You’re the limpest of shakes from a hand which

I’d have thought would be firm as a rock,

“You’re serious mistake in a nightie,

You’re a grave disappointment all round –

That’s all that you are,” says th’Almighty,

And that’s all you’ll be underground.”